Breaking News! Financial Institution Manager and Noviest Sports Blogger Selected as a Pro Bowl Alternate Alongside Sheduer Sanders!

***This is poking fun at the NFL Pro Bowl Section Process. This not real***

I’ve Been Selected as a Pro Bowl Alternate — Yes, that Pro Bowl — alongside Shedeur Sanders!

In what can only be described as a stunning development for football, journalism, and common sense, I have officially been selected as a Pro Bowl alternate.

That’s right. The Pro Bowl.
Pads. Palm trees. Prestige.
Me.

Sources close to the situation (me, refreshing my notifications) confirmed the news late this evening, placing my name on the alternate list right next to Shedeur Sanders, which frankly feels unfair to Shedeur. One of us is a high-profile quarterback with elite bloodlines and arm talent. The other owns a tie collection and once broke his pinky finger playing kickball!

But football is about opportunity.

How Did This Happen?

League insiders say the selection came down to “intangibles.”

Leadership: I’ve yelled “WE’RE FINE” during stressful situations with no actual evidence.

Versatility: I can play runningback, safety, or “guy who stands near the coach holding a tablet.”

Availability: Extremely available. Suspiciously available (There’s a snow storm this weekend).

When injuries, opt-outs, and “I’m protecting my legacy” decisions piled up, the league had no choice. They needed depth. They needed courage.

They needed… me.

The Shedeur Comparison Is Inevitable

Look, I respect Shedeur Sanders. Tremendous talent. Arm strength. Swagger. NFL future.

But let’s compare résumés:

Shedeur Sanders: Elite quarterback play, national spotlight, five-star pedigree

Me: Wore a Panthers uniform once (digitally), undefeated in imaginary matchups, excellent locker-room vibes

The numbers don’t lie. Mostly because they don’t exist.

Preparing for the Big Stage

Training has already begun

Film study: Mostly highlight clips of other people

Conditioning: Parking far away on purpose

Nutrition: Whatever was left in the breakroom

I’ve also been working on my Pro Bowl wave — casual, humble, but with just enough “I belong here” energy to confuse everyone watching at home.

What This Means for My Legacy?

This selection cements my place in football history as:

A locker-room glue guy

A next-man-up mentality pioneer

A clear example of what happens when alternates go too deep

Hall of Fame voters are said to be “monitoring the situation closely,” which is journalist code for “please stop emailing us.”

Final Thoughts

To be selected as a Pro Bowl alternate alongside Shedeur Sanders is an honor I will carry forever — or at least until the group chat stops roasting me.

To the fans: thank you for believing.
To the doubters: fair.
To the league: bold choice.

And to Shedeur — if you need a backup, a hype man, or someone to hold your helmet while you cook?

I’m ready!

Shout out Shaduer! Congrats! No matter how you made it, you made it!